I feel like this post is very overdue. I have not been posting, shooting or socialising much this entire year, but there is a reason. And I feel like I should just explain so that everyone can understand, especially the fans following my modeling work, because most aspects of my life were sort of put on hold this year. If I have ignored anyone on the rare occasion that I have gone out, please know that it is most probably not on purpose. I was at a very low point in my life and I am still battling to get out, but it’s getting better.
Many things I had been battling with for a while just suddenly got worse. I picked up a lot of weight. I was always exhausted no matter how much or how little I slept. I had paralysing migraines that could only be cured by a painful massage to relieve the tension in my neck and shoulders, and it would only make the pain go away for a week at most. My anxiety and depression got so bad that I didn’t even want to get out of bed and go to class, and when I did, I was so tired and confused that I couldn’t take any of the information in. At times I would be so out of it that I barely knew who or where I was. I had short term memory loss and also forgot how to do some basic things in my routine. I took concentration medication to try to work on my research paper but would just stare at the screen the whole day, maybe writing two paragraphs over the space of 6 hours, no matter how hard I tried to focus. I felt like I was just a body, but not alive. All of this happened over the course of a few months, worsening by the day. Eventually I knew something had to be done.
I googled some of my symptoms, realising that they must be connected somehow. and found the possible problems were all hormone related. So I made an appointment with a doctor who specialises in hormones. She was very understanding and helpful and sent me to do a few tests. I was told that I shouldn’t depend on the results as they might be completely normal, so we may have to keep searching for the problem.
Luckily, the blood tests revealed the problem. I have been suffering from adrenal fatigue, as well as a vitamin D deficiency. I was prescribed DHEA and vitamin D supplements. My doctor did inform me that could possibly take a year or two to get my levels completely normal again. We also found that my previous doctor had for some reason put me on mood stabilisers, which are meant for bipolar patients, even though I am most certainly not bipolar. So we rectified this problem too by changing to anti-depressants that double up as anti-anxiety medication as well.
I started my medication about a month ago, and I finally feel human again. I am beginning to feel like my old self again, but I’m not 100% there yet. I am insanely behind on my research paper but I do intend to finish my honours this year, and luckily I have the full support of the university. At least we have found the problem and we are working on it. I have to go for blood tests again in about 2 months to check if everything has stabilised. Whether I will have to be on DHEA for the rest of my life is unclear at the moment as it depends on how my body reacts, but I am feeling positive that I can beat this thing, and that I will be a better person when I do.
When I am up to date with my studies, I can start resuming the rest of my life. I will do more photoshoots, play violin more, go out and spend time with friends, and be more active with my jewellery business.
Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me through this so far. You all mean the world to me.